My Favorite Verse
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” 2 Tim 1:7 (KJV)
This is one of my favorite verses because in the darkest moments of my life the common thread was fear, inability to love and insanity. This verse, in the simplest way imaginable, provides me with answers to my disastrous past.
Ever since I can remember, fear was a controlling factor in my life so much so that drugs became the answer during my teen age years; they became the power to off-set the fear. Once trapped, this newly discovered power started to devour the little element of love I had within me. Now I understand why I had no remorse for the things I did and those I hurt. Finally, insanity took over as I woke up each morning with excruciating pain caused by withdrawal symptoms to once again craft illegal ways to support my addiction. Then in the silence of each night I would convince myself I was going to change, only to wake up the next day to the same dreadful reality. Isn’t insanity defined as repeating the same behavior over and over again expecting a different result? Nevertheless, God spared me and I was able to move forward with my life….but not for long.
After three years in rehab I was able to “conquer” my drug addiction but one year later I discovered a new “friend”, his name was alcohol and the tragedy repeated itself. It appears that fear, lack of love and insanity was my trademark. After 20 years of self-destruction and making the lives of loved ones miserable, God spared me once again. Only this time, I was able to stay sober with the help of AA but the fear, lack of love and insanity somehow always lingered in my mind. I still sensed this empty feeling as if I was missing something. Then one day I heard this verse and I saw the light. Take a look at what Paul tells Timothy: “God hath NOT given us the spirit of FEAR; but of POWER, and LOVE, and of a SOUND MIND”. Simply stated, God has given me (us) the spirit of power, love and a sound mind “as a gift”….it’s part of our spiritual DNA! My misfortunes were a result of seeking external gimmicks to my weaknesses instead of searching for the “true” answers that come from within. It’s like the man who franticly searched for his glasses only to discover that they have been on his head all the time. Thank God for His word…I finally got the memo.